Articles

Mini Patriotic Flag Figurine

In Decorations and Ornaments on May 15, 2012 by John Layfield

Why does this rendition of Ol’ Glory (America outlawed the letter D in 1917 due to fighting against Deutschland in World War I) have…

a) Some sort of satanic symbol in the middle of the star field? It’s like something out of National Treasure 5 in which the usually hidden masonic elements on the flag direct you to the Alamo which was actually a secret spaceship to take you to the moon where the founding fathers hid EVEN MORE GOLD, originally pillaged from the Turks or the Sri Lankans or whoever.

b) The outline of a squirrel on the far right of the stripes. I’m not going to draw it, if you can’t find it, that’s your loss. There’s a squirrel and it’s pretty cool. I bet that was Ben Franklin’s doing. He loved squirrels almost as much as he loved turkeys and tying keys to things.

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Articles

Patriotic Angel Figurine

In Decorations and Ornaments on May 13, 2012 by John Layfield

Ah, the Fairy America-Mother. Flying through the continental United States (and maybe Alaska, but Hawai’i doesn’t count, does it?), spreading her American fairy dust (asbestos) everywhere and sometimes saving beautiful maidens (huge multinational corporations) from their wicked stepsisters (taxes).

Although even the Fairy America-Mother does not have unlimited power. Remember how that housing boom turned into a big ol’ pumpkin and the automotive industry reverted back into a pack of rats. Wait, that was always the case.

Hey, magic ain’t miracles. And “ain’t” isn’t a word, proving I have spent too much time in the wild looking for these things.

Articles

Cell Armor Premium Wireless Accessories

In Cars and Travel on May 11, 2012 by John Layfield

Now, observe. This isn’t a brand of American-themed cell phone covers. As unnecessary as I would find that, there would be a strand of logical thought connecting things together. That is not so. This is a heavily American-flag adored package, complete with bald eagle, for completely ordinary, bland and non-affiliated to any specific nation, mobile phone protectors.

I’m sure Donald Rumsfeld wouldn’t approve of this option. After all, you go to war with the cell armor you have, not the cell armor you might want or wish to have at a later time.

Articles

Patriotic Eagle And Flag Figurine

In Decorations and Ornaments, Eagles! on May 9, 2012 by John Layfield

I’ve decided that the most fitting 100th post on this fine blog would be a bald eagle, apparently wearing an argyle sweater, in front of an American flag.

The tag claims this “will rekindle warm thoughts from long ago.” So if you ever wanted to reminisce about the time you wrapped a bird in a sweater for some reason, here you go.

Articles

America Needs a Buddhist President

In Books and Writing on May 7, 2012 by John Layfield

America needs a Buddhist president? America needs to learn how to handle a potential presidential candidate that knows some French first before climbing the mountain (which is likely located in the Himalayas) to the first Buddhist presidency. It’s like the old Buddhist saying “If you meet the Buddha on a road, run a smear campaign if he speaks foreign-talk.”

Then again, a cadre of warrior monks would really clean things up in Iran or Wales or wherever is the most evil country ever this week.

Articles

Guitar Pens Hand Painted

In Books and Writing on May 5, 2012 by John Layfield

Guitar Pens, lovingly hand painted by the smallest, child-sized hands American multinational corporations based in China can afford.

Oh, yes. An American flag themed peace sign is NOT A GUITAR!

Articles

Military Angel Figurine

In Decorations and Ornaments, wut on May 3, 2012 by John Layfield

You know sometimes someone on the internet might compared fervent nationalism to some sort of religious cult and you go “LOL good hyperbole” and get on with your life? Well, here you go. It’s an American Warrior Valkyrie Angel who protects American troops in battle because, hey, God does play favourites.

Extreme right conflation of church and state is nothing new but crap like this goes a long way to making the state the church, rather than the other way round. Both scenarios are something to be avoided. Wow, sorry, this got more political than I usually like to get.

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